Faces of Suicide

Remembering ...

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Tarver, Justin Lee
26 September 1987 - 29 September 2019
Queen City, Texas

Our Remembrance
Dear Kidd... I sometimes dream that centuries from now, at a volleyball park by the lake, (maybe if we're lucky and not poor this time its a beautiful beach)...this amazingly charming and good looking guy with no shirt, and the most amazing smile in the universe, runs up and hard core flirts with the pretty girl with green eyes that seem to make him lose all train of thought. Maybe not so obnoxiously this time. Because for some reason, in his heart and in the back of his mind, he feels her from centuries before. And that he had already caught her eye for reasons that she cant explain but she is unable to resist. AND maybe this time he doesn't walk out of her life only to come back and back again and that she never walks out of his not knowing that it will be the last time. Or that her plan to get things in order for the sake of their future and their child will never work because that future was yanked out from under us. In my waking nightmare you just disappeared. Justin Lee you WERE perfect and you never saw it. I wish I would have told you that your mistakes were unremarkable. And they didnt change your heart and THEY WERE NOT PERMANENT. I am blessed that you gave me the best gift a girl could ask for... And not the tiny rose that you gave me on Valentine's day in 2013 lol. But that beautiful baby with my eyes and your smile and goofy laugh (and your weird crooked pinkies) that came into this world 9 months later on a warm November day. He is your clone. I will talk about you to him EVERY day and him growing up without you is almost more than I can bear. But I know that you are at peace. I will always be sad when I get a text or phone call knowing it's not you. And the fact that I will never read another Facebook post from you with numerous grammatical errors or that you will never introduce me to another new girlfriend only to later ask me how to get away without hurting her feelings because she just wasnt the one. You were my friend and lover and my family. I will not get over you or say goodbye and I hope you watch over our son and Aiden (because he misses his daddy something fierce) and that when they need you most they feel you. I hope that you whisper to me when I'm having a bad day and wanting to break stuff that I need to chill.... Keep our beach clean and our beer cowboy cold. If you decided that Po Boys landing is your paradise then I'll see you there because you already know, I am down. I love you to the moon and back. Love Jess....